I know it has been some time since I last wrote but Christmas some how takes up a lot of time. Between all of the parties, family get-to-togethers and working 55-60 hours, it is like I barely have a second to catch my breath.
Now we are on our way driving down to Miami. As I write this we are at a Best Western hotel just outside of Atlanta. I can’t wait until we get to the coast. We picked up the Gerrrrgorys on our way down so we have a car full of fun. My parents are flying down to FL today and my friend Bobbi is driving down with a u-haul full of her stuff so she can start a job on Jan. 5th. It should be fun until I have to return to work on Jan. 8th.
us at the hotel. See the cutie peking his head out of the bathroom?
Tags: Miami
I will be out of the office from December 26th through January 7th 2009. I will be doing so many neat things in this short period of time that I doubt I will have time to update this blog nor will I have a very good internet connection.
After January 7th I plan to write about all of the neat things I did during my trip.
Stay tuned.
I stayed up quite late last night working on the drum and bass tracks for a new song. Below is what I have come up with to date. The second track in the player was what I was working on back in October.
I have loved my new HP 2133 Mini Note computer for the last couple of months. So much so that I have failed to post anything about it. If you would like to install any version (distro) of linux I would suggest searching over the internet to see if someone else has already wrote up some instructions, tips and tricks on how to do it. More than likely someone has unless you are getting hardware or the new distro early. I installed Ubuntu 8.04 and used the wiki at ubuntu’s site. Here is the link for installing the latest 8.10 Ubuntu.
I received my HP 2133 Mini Note on September 26th 2008. The picture below is not the best quality but in my hast to rush open the packaging I would not sit still for a picture or allow for any appropriate lighting settings.
(arrival of my new HP 2133)
It came with XP and Vista. My plans for this computer was to put all kinds of operating systems on it and have some fun. Since it does not have a CD drive and I also did not have any external drives I had to go to Fry’s and buy one. It did not cost too much. I remember when they cost quite a bit. So I proceeded to load up XP and Vista. It came with XP installed but in order to do it correctly I had to wipe it, partition it and then install XP and Vista. I got both running well but who cares. Linux was what I was after.
(running Vista and killing the CPU)
I eventually got all three; XP, Vista, and Ubuntu Linux running on my HP and I LOVE IT!!!!!!
Above are my Mac PowerBook G4 running OS X and Ubuntu 6.04 (the last distro that supported Power PC architecture) and my HP 2133 Mini Note running XP, Vista, and Ubuntu Linux 8.04.
And I just have to show off a little bit of my home recording studio below.
I will have to add the guitars and such at a later time.
Tags: Ubuntu 8.10
Yesterday out of the blue my future mother in law decided she did not like me anymore. I can’t say it was totally out of the blue. If you read the part 1 and part 2 about our trip to Arizona it describes how I expressed my discomfort in staying in my future brother in law’s dirty apartment while he was not there. I didn’t think this was unreasonable. For the record I am not comfortable staying in anyone’s living quarter’s be it a house, apartment or a garage unless we have some pre-agreed arrangement like I am dog sitting or house sitting and getter paid.
Saying anything about her son is punishable by death. I knew she was protective but this all seems extreme. She called yesterday to tell my fiancee to remember to send that thing she wanted with her boyfriend as he flies to visit her soon. My fiancee began to tell her about our finalized wedding plans and she proceeds to break his heart and say she won’t come to the wedding. I hear her trying to explain why and my name is in there along with her other precious son, which how he gets talked about so much when he has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on is totally beyond my scope of understanding. He is upset and is telling her that he does not need to know her reasons; especially if she will not listen to him speak. He hangs up.
She calls back. My fiancee goes into the bedroom and they talk on the phone for a very long time. He returns and does not really want to talk about it. Basically she decided she does not like me anymore. We hug for a long time. He is sad and I am enraged. Not for the fact that she hates me, I always knew that, she hates me because she hates all her son’s wives. She never stops talking shit about them.
If I allow myself to empathize with her and merge together everything I have heard about her and everything she has said then I think I may have an idea why. I think she has romanticized the past and aches for that time when her and her three boys lived together in a one bedroom apartment and were close. She forgets how difficult it was and just wants to have all her boys together. Her boys having wives she sees as threatening that possibility even though my fiancee says she bugged him constantly about not having a wife and not having kids. Are parents ever happy with where their kids are in life? But this is all just if I empathize and speculate so it really does not matter.
I am enraged that with her hurtful words she had made my fiancee sad. I am so livid that I kept my mouth shut the entire week we were in Arizona where she constantly criticized the diet coke we drink, the shirt my fiancee likes to wear, what he eats, how she thinks he is fat, how we will just let anybody do anything because we think homosexuals should be able to get married if they want, how we are not serious enough… the list goes on and on. I kept my mouth shut when I wanted to tell her to shut the f@ck up and mind her own damn business. I am angered that she is on our family cell phone plan. Why bite the hand that feeds you. I am not saying she needs the help but damn. My fiancee worries about her and has future plans to help is mother out. Does she think her precious favorite son has any future plans that include her in the future. She lives 1.5 hours from him and he has seen her 3 times in the last year; her grandson barely knows her. I just don’t understand what she is doing. She is being hurtful to the one son who seems to try to look out for her.
But where do we go from here? Where do I go from here? I want to support a relationship between my fiancee and his mother but I can’t be around some one who hates me. But my fiancee and I like being together. He will only be able to visit her without me. I want my children to have healthy relationships with both grandparents but I can’t allow her to talk smack about me in front of my children. Why do people have to make things so hard?
Yesterday’s post became too long and I decided to split it up. If you have not read the first part you can read it here or just scroll down the page until you find it.
Arizona: just out side of Tucson and I can’t beleive this picture came out so good as it was taken with the camera on my Samsung Blackjack cell phone.
So right were we left off yesterday as Hermano had just left his apartment….
I express my hubby how I feel and he expresses how he wish he had known and go through all that stuff of how he knew how his brother was so this didn’t surprise him yada yada and how my hubby is sorry. The Suegra hears us and as she has heard that I don’t wish so sleep on Hermano’s bed as he is dirty she sticks up for him and says how he always baths and dresses himself. My opinion is that if you bath in a dirty (I am talking really dirty) bathroom and sleep in dirty sheets then you are dirty. I realize he is busy with his life and all but he knew we were coming and his has a 2 year old there with him. Did I mention how when we first got there in the kitchen was a sight that left the Suegra and my hubby yelling SALMONELA. I now know the rules; the Suegra can critisize and complain about anything about Hermano but neither hubby or I can.
Other problem is that there are no clean towels. We debate on whether to go out at 1 am and buy towels but then we find some and wash them in the washer and dryer. Another problem was that there we no blankets. There was one clean cover that we threw over Hermano’s bed while we slept on top while we attempted to use our coats as blankets. It was like camping only not the fun camping outdoors stuff. I don’t mind dirt and love being outdoors sleeping under the starts. Its the haven’t ever cleaned my bathroom or kitchen build up gunk with dirty clothes all over the place overloaded with clutter in a small apartment environment that I rather dislike.
It took us a while to get our sleeping situation set up and dry the towels and I never got into a comfortable sleeping position. Hermano came back to his apartment at some time after 8:30 am. I could her him talking some to the Suegra. He came into his room where we were asleep and grabbed some cloths. I would have confronted him or told him how I felt but I didn’t want to wake up my hubby as he seemed to be sleeping pretty good so I just pretended to be asleep. I know that if I had seen a sibling of mine sleeping on my bed and using their coats as a blanket I would have felt embarrased and pretty shity about myself but I doubt Hermano even noticed we were there.
I finally got my hubby up around 11 am. I felt like I had to go for a run but I had not slept at all so really I just need to get out of that claustrophobic apartment. My hubby and I went for a walk and we really enjoyed the Phoenix sun. It was beautiful. While we were finishing up our walk we decided it would be best to ask the Suegra to drive us to the airport or have a taxi take us instead of have Hermano take us. The previous night he had been arguing with us (mine only conversation with him) on how we don’t need to get to the airport that early and how he lives really close. I prefered to error on the side of caution as the first Monday after Thanksgiving is bound to be busy. Besides he did not care if we missed our flight and had to buy new airline tickets home.
This is the part where it gets out of control. We arrive back at the apartment and ask the Suegra if she can drive us to the airport. We deliberatly have tried to avoid talking about Hermano around her as she gets really defensive and protective. remember: she can judge, critisize and talk about him but we can not. But she won’t answer the question she keeps insisting that Hermano should take us as he knows the way and she will get lost.
I hate it when people won’t answer your question and instead mettle in your plans and try to change your plans or tell you how they think you should do it better. Of course they have a lot to say, they have nothing to lose and won’t have to deal with the consequences.
Anyway so we find ourselves in a situation where we have to say what we think about Hermano; he is undependable, he already stated he might not be able to take us but apparently wants us in a position where we are waiting for him to decide, and we also say how if he really didn’t have time to spend with us he should have told us not to come to Phoenix early to see him. We would have understood. This launches her defense as we had thrown a gernade and she had retaliated with the A-Bomb. These were her points:
- he is really busy with school
- he is really busy attending to his girlfriend and his ex-wife
- he is really busy working
- he is really talented at drawing and I am trying to support him as he needs it
- you don’t understand because you don’t have children
These were how I wanted to respond but I held my tongue as she was really upset and near tears. She had not listened to a thing we said and had totally misunderstood our point. She totally did not acknowledge how we felt and just stuck up for Hermano. I remember at one point her telling my hubby something to the effect of “hey you knew your brother was like this”, to which I did not even give my hubby time to respond as I firmly stated “well I didn’t know he was like that, I didn’t know”.
- school: hubby and I both have completed a bachelor’s degree while working and paying for it ourselves, sacrificing living together we lived with family and purposely waited to have kids. He attends a community college and takes drawing classes. Also Suegra would call my hubby freaking out while he was in class and have him leave class and go home and turn off the stove because she left the beans on. She seemed to show no respect for my hubby’s university endeavors so why is it different for Hermano?
- girlfriend and ex-wife: 1) the girlfriend is unnecessary to attend to or even have and the ex-wife how much attending could there be? I mean isn’t that the reason for the divorce? I suspect they both attend to him like cooking him dinner and stuff.
- work: he works 3 hour stints at a time as a personal trainer aka he gets paid to work out. I work 10 hours a day and 2 Saturdays a month and I have to work out on my own time. I used my very limited vacation time to visit. Please appreciate that.
- he is really talented at drawing and I am trying to support him as he needs it: That is great we support that. We would like for you to support us also.
- you don’t understand because you don’t have children: I hate when families say this as if your time is not equal valuable because you were smart enough to use birth control and avoid getting knocked up at inopportune times in your life.
Suegra is now upset with my hubby and wishes not to talk to him. I don’t understand we go out to visit spend a week with her. My hubby talks to her weekly and we pay for her cell phone and handle it on our family plan. Hermano treats her like crap. Hermano and Suegra live 99 miles apart and Suegra has only seen her 2 year old grandson 3 times and has to beg Hermano to see him. I think that Hermano likes it when you beg to visit him. He gets off on it and then he blows you off. Suegra is mad at us and not at Hermano. My hubby is uncomfortable with this as I would be if it were my mom. But I give him the advice that he would give if the tables were turned. She will need help soon with something and as he is the only one who takes the time to help and worry about her she can’t be mad too long.
THE FIX
How am I going to avoid this in the future? That is what I always try to ask myself to avoid un fun situations. I try to come up with a future game plan. For this situation it is as follows:
- Avoid being near Hermano
- Avoid talking about Hermano
- Avoid hearing about Hermano
- when Suegra starts to mention anything about him I will conveniently have to be somewhere else like maybe the bathroom.
As we rarely see him it should not be an issue at all.
The entire trip where he was not present was awesome and really fun.
I hate it when there is some snafu on the last day of a trip. It always leaves a bad taste in my mouth and leaves me with a bad feeling about the entire trip. I have to talk myself out of feeling bad about the whole darn thing and look at it intellectually.
We left on Nov. 24th and we returned on Dec. 1. As we were gone for 8 days and I can really only count 2 instances that left me feeling yuck. The numbers point to it being fun and successful but I wish those 2 instances and definitely the one instance never had happened.
#1
The first instance happened somewhere in the middle of the trip. I suddenly felt bad, claustrophobic and really frustrated. This feeling came because of our lodging situation. We stayed with the Suegra in her 1 bedroom apartment. Staying with anyone for a long period of time does not work for me (excluding my hubby). I have this part of me that will try to make everyone around me happy at the expense of my sanity. After a couple of days of me losing myself I have a timer that goes off and smacks me in the face and makes me feel the way I felt on this instance; bad, sad, claustrophobic and really frustrated. This was my first time staying with the Suegra for an extended period of time. Now I know that a few nights in a hotel while costly can be worth it. I am sensitive and creative and I really like my space to be that sensitive creative person that I am deep down.
#2
This instance happened on the last day of the trip and inturn left a bad taste in my mouth. I really wish this instance had not transpired. This explination will be long so you may want to grab a drink.
My hubby’s brother lives in Phoenix and as our flight left from Phoenix my hubby asked his brother (we will call him “Hermano”) what he had going on before our flight because as my hubby expressed, he wanted to see Hermano again before we left the state. My hubby has not seen Hermano in over three years and was really excited to be with his Mom and Brother for Thanksgiving. Hermano says “hey yea come on down to Phoenix early, stay with me before your flight”. I am obviously paraphrasing the conversations. No one can remember exact words, only what was talked about or decided can be remembered.
Our flight left in the afternoon on Dec 1 so we drove to Phoenix on Dec 29 to spend the evening/ night with Hermano. He had expressed some doubt on his abilty to drive us to the airport as he had class at the time we needed a ride. We knew we could have the Suegra or a taxi take us.
We arrived (me, my hubby and the Suegra) at about 7 pm and Hermano met us at his apartment to let us in. He had been with his son at his ex-wife’s apartment. Hermano, Suegra and my hubby were talking all at the same time and I was glad that my mom had chosen that moment to return my voice mail. I steped outside so I could hear and talk to her a little bit. I had to give her our flight information as she was picking us up the next day. As I was talking to my mom, Hermano walks out of his apartment with his bluetooth earpiece on and leaves. I am wonder where he is going and talking to my mom on the phone as he calls out “my family is crazy”. Had I known at the time that he had just left us to go have dinner at his ex-wife’s house then I wish would have said something like “what the hell, we came here to see you, your brother who you have not seen in over 3 years has traved over 2 time zones and spent a great deal of money on the tickets…and you are going to have dinner with your ex-wife” then I wish I would have punched him in the ear. Ok, not really. But yes, you did read that correctly. He left his mother and his brother in his apartment while he went to eat dinner at his ex-wife’s house.
My hubby and I then went out to get some Pollo Loco for dinner and as we were finishing eating it about 2 hours later Hermano returns with his son. His son is cute and all but as we rarley see Hermano we will rarely see his son so I feel very apathetic towards making any effort. The kid has not been around many adults and is justifiably hesitant to warm up to anyone. Basically we have now seen him twice and it took until right before each visit ends for him to be able to interact with us. Any visits will be few and far between so why bother. I don’t intend to be mean it’s just that he ain’t part of my life and I ain’t part of his and that is it. I wish the best for the kid but i’ll never know, there is no conection.
The kid loves the star wars movies so we watch about an hour of that movie and then Hermano takes the kid back to his mother’s and he returns to his apartment. He has sparse conversations with his brother and mother. He just sticks his head out and takes a break between studying for school with these conversations.
I was feeling really uncomfortable but I was trying to suck it up for my hubby’s sake. We came to see his brother before we left but here we were sitting in his dirty cluttered apartment watching a movie while he studied. The threshold came when at 1 am he went to the door and said he was going to sleep on his ex-wife’s couch so he could already be there when his son wakes up and he could get him ready for bed. Part of me was waiting for my hubby to say something. He didn’t have to yell or be angry maybe just say “hey man, the reason we came to Phoenix a day early was to spend a little time with you before we left, if you didn’t have time you should have told us not to come”. But no, neither the Suegra nor my hubby said anything. Turns out they were accustomed to this behavior from him…
….This post will continued with tomorrow’s entry as it is getting WAY to long.
We drove up through Gates Pass Road through the mountains outside of Tucson today. It was beautiful. We went to the international animal museum, desert museum, old Tucson and saguera national park. I have posted some pictures at http://flickr.com/photos/tarraguna and also on my photoblog http://photoblog/tarraguna.
We are staying with la Suegra. It is wierd to stay with the mother in law, especially one who is always right.
I miss my casa and my internet.
We are in Tucson, Arizon visiting la Suegra. It is so warm here, we are loving it. I am walking around in my flip flops and enjoying the sun. Check out my flickr stream (here) and I will be sending pictures frequently.
